Motivation, Lost and Found

Blue Abstract Bokeh Lights

Like anyone else, I’ve gone through ups and downs in life. When I started knitting in 2002, it became more than just a hobby for me: it very much became a lifeline. I wanted to learn all I could. It was a creative outlet, but more importantly, it was a source of distraction and comfort.

When I discovered knitting podcasts, I could double my knitting fun by listening to people talk about knitting while I was knitting. Something so simple got me through a lot of rough times and I’ve always been glad about that.

Throughout the years, I’ve had dry spells where I didn’t really feel the knitting mojo. I knit less, or–as was often the case–I would start various projects, only to abandon them without finishing.

It’s not at all hyperbole to say that in 2016, after the U.S. Presidential election, I went into a bit of a slump (some might call it a depression). Consequently, I didn’t feel like doing the things I normally felt like doing, including knitting and reading–both things that I normally had the desire to do constantly, or at least frequently.

The last thing I remember knitting was a hat, back in the early months of 2017. That was the only thing I knit all year long, until December.

It was a weird feeling for me, since I’ve always had something on the needles throughout the year. That’s the funny thing about being in a slump/depression/funk/call it what you will. You just don’t want to DO anything at all, really, and certainly not the things that were always so familiar and comforting to you.

Eventually, I found the motivation to read again, which meant a lot because romance novels had become a source of hope and comfort for me and I was so happy to start reading regularly once more.

However, it took longer to start knitting again. I felt badly because my friends who knit would text about their latest projects and I (in my funk/depressed state) didn’t care. I WANTED to, but just…couldn’t and didn’t. It’s difficult to articulate that without sounding like a killjoy or a bore.

I think it was tough for me to find joy in the familiar things because, for me, knitting is very much a meditative act. Unlike in past years, in recent years I’ve tended to choose fairly simple projects that don’t require much patterning or instructions. So when I knit, my mind wanders…and wanders…and wanders. If it makes sense, knitting while going through a rough time just seemed to magnify the presence of all the roughness, so to speak.

Now that I’ve rambled sufficiently enough, I’m happy to say that my will to knit has finally returned. But it wasn’t something I could just start doing again; I had to feel like I really wanted to. And now, I feel more like myself than I have in about a year.

Right now I’m working on a pair of socks for myself that I’m close to finishing and I’ll be sure to post photos and thoughts here as soon as they’re complete. I’m also excited to have a space where I can share all those ~deep thoughts~ that run through my mind while I knit. It seems like a little less noisy of a place when I can share what’s on my mind. 🙂


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